


Long Sleeves

by A_nice_lady_gave_me_a_churro



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cinnamon Roll Peter Parker, F/M, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Irondad, Lab days, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Suicidal Peter Parker, Tagging as I go, Tony Stark is Peter’s father figure, spideyson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21910807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_nice_lady_gave_me_a_churro/pseuds/A_nice_lady_gave_me_a_churro
Summary: He still had scars from the warehouse and plane that he didn’t need anyone seeing. Or questioning.
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Peter Parker, Happy Hogan & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 48
Kudos: 493
Collections: ellie marvel fics - read





	1. Instincts

**Author's Note:**

> This my first fan fic so sorry in advance! I suck at noticing mistakes/ editing. Please leave comments if you like or have ideas for future chapters cause I only have a rough idea on where this is going. Enjoy!

” _And then again, I wasn’t really trying to”_

_Boom._

_Crack._

_Dust._

_Blood._

Peter shot up in his twin bed, warm blankets falling to the floor, hand on his webshooters.

_Oh_

He was home. He let out a small sigh and placed his webshooters back under his pillow. Peter glanced at his duct taped clock. 3:58. He collapsed in a chair nearby and put his head in his hands. He focused, trying to hear if he had woken up May.

He found her steady breathing, far enough away to be in bed. The young super hero tuned everything else out until his own breathing slowed. May didn’t need to know about the nightmares. He was dealing with them, at least that’s what he told himself. He wasn’t actually sure how to deal with them. Besides, now that he was up he could get a head start on homework.

Peter sat down at his old, wooden desk from goodwill and grabbed some papers. His chair creaked as he looked through his bag, finding a half-finished essay over something he stopped caring about by the second paragraph. Most is just the teen bs-ing enough to get an “A.”

* * *

As he ended editing a sentence, there was knock at the door. Peter jumped up in a defensive position before a voice spoke on the other side.

”Get up sleepyhead! I have to go to the hospital early, but you’re still going to the compound after school right?”

Peter relaxed at May’s voice and replied, trying to sound like he hadn’t been awake for hours,“ I think so! Happy should pick me up.”

May added something incomprehensible and walked away. Peter stretched and moved toward his closet, preparing for the day. He glanced at his suit, piled haphazardly in the middle of the floor. He had patrolled til 1:30 last night, leading him to only getting two hours of sleep. Shoving it in his back pack, peter looked through his closet for a long sleeve shirt. He still had scars from the warehouse and plane that he didn’t need anyone seeing. Or questioning.

After brushing his teeth and failing to contain his curly hair, Peter shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed a banana.

May was at the door, about to leave when she spotted her nephew, “No spidering tonight, ok hun? I heard there’s a parade going on and thought we might check it out. Larb you!” And with that, she left.

Peter sat there, dazed. He had been too tired to disagree. After finishing his banana, he grabbed his textbooks and binders and piled them in his bag. Making sure to grab an extra pair of clothes in case of an incident in the lab, Peter left for school.

* * *

“Yo! Penis!” Peter sighed as he put his books in his locker. The day had been fine. A 100% on a project and 95% on a test. Sadly, that was the reason for his upcoming torment.

“So how’d you get the perfect score, huh?” Flash shoved peter’s shoulder hard into the locker, “ hmm? Got an answer Penis Parker? Did you bribe teach? Are you her late night event?”

The boys around the bully snickered and sprayed similar insults. Peter took a breath and restrained from punching Flash. God how he wanted to. Instead peter closed his locker and went to join Ned by the library. He kept his head down, ignoring Flash’s taunts until he reached his best friend. Ned was engrossed in his phone before he looked up and saw Peter.

“What are you doing this weekend?” Ned asked, putting away his screen.

“Nothing much. I’m going to the compound today but tonight I’m going to a parade with May.”

“It so cool you get to work with Tony Stark. I mean you took down the vulture without your suit so his suit must make you 10 times better.”

Ned continued on but Peter had zoned out. His throat had tightened at the mention of Liz’s dad. It was his fault the man’s life was ruined. Peter was a terrible person. Peter should’ve just died under the-

“You good? You lookin a little pale” Ned had stopped walking and was looking at his friend with concerned eyes.

“Yeah, of course!”

Ned didn’t seem convinced but let it slide. Peter never told him what happened that night after he left the dance and he didn’t want to push. He would tell him if it was bad enough. Right?

“Bye Ned!” Peter hurried down the steps of the school, letting the cold air snap at his bare skin. May didn’t have a lot in the budget so he never asked for new clothes. Or a new coat in the middle of January.

Peter scanned the throng of students and cars until he landed on an Audi parked 20 feet away. Making his way through the maze of students, Peter arrived and hopped in the warm car.

“Hey Happy!” The teen greeted the driver cheerfully and let the warmth chase away the cold stinging his skin. Happy grunted in return and began to drive. The kid began to ramble away about his day and set into a comfortable drive.


	2. Just For Him

“Yeah- no. May it’s fine! I understand. No he’ll be fine with it. Yeah. It’s ok love you! Bye.” Peter’s shoulders dropped as he hung up the phone. He walked toward the lab door and plastered on a smile.

“Hey kid, what was that?” Tony stark turned away from what he was tinkering on to where his mentee has just entered the lab.

“Oh umm so Mr.Stark? May has to work an extra shift tonight and she was wondering if I could stay here tonight? I wouldn’t be a problem! I have extra clothes and everything so you wouldn’t need to-“ Peter looked up from the floor to see the billionaire smiling. “What?”

The man laughed, “ Pete you are always welcome to stay here. Don’t worry about being a problem or anything, ok? Besides I can finally show you the room you missed out on.”

Peter returned the grin and sat back down at his station. He picked up the web shooters he had been working on and continued to upgrade it.

A few hours had passed with occasional bouncing off of ideas when Peter glanced at Mr.Stark. He was tinkering on a new suit and tapping his foot to the music that played throughout the room.

“Pete what do ya think?” He held up a new helmet and put it on.

Peter smiled, thinking how cool this was. His childhood hero was asking his opinion on a new Iron Man suit. “It looks great Mr.Stark. Did you make it with nano-tech?”

“Yeah but I’m not sure how to make the rest of the suit form fast enough around me and it be cool. I mean, I am iron man so the aesthetics gotta be lit.”

“Did you just say lit?” Peter deadpanned.

“Yeah I’m hip now kid!”

“No no no. That is not ‘hip’,” The teen put finger quotes around the last word,” that is the worst thing you could ever say.”

Tony rolled his eyes and continued, “ well anyways, any ideas?”

“What if it came out of your arc reactor? Like you just tap it and the suit forms from there and connects at your back?” Peter played out the scene in his head watching the metal form.

Mr.Stark seemed to be doing the same thing, “ yeah we could put the suit in the lining and then I could always have it.”

“Pepper wouldn’t be happy about it.”

Peter and Tony both turned to the voice.

“Rhodes! What are you doing down here?”

“I’m kickin you out! Jeez Tony it’s 2:30 in the morning. I hate that you don’t but at least let the kid get some sleep.”

The inventors’ eyes got wide and looked at a nearby clock.

Tony sighed and pushed away from the table, “yeah kid let’s get you to bed.”

Peter did the same and yawned,” I’m not a kid Mr.Stark.” Tiredness saturated his voice and made him seem younger than he was.

“Whatever you say kid. How about I show you your room?”

Peters tired eyes shot open at that and he started bouncing excitedly.

The older man snorted, “I’ll take that as a yes?”

* * *

_ “Time to go home Pete” _

_ “I’m trying to save you!” _

_ Boom. _

_ “No!” _

_ Peter rushed into the flames and felt the burns from the crash scream from the heat. Another bomb blew up next to him. _

_ Boom. _

Peter woke up, breathing ragged. Blood began to fill his mouth before he realized he had bit his lip to prevent the screaming in his mind from escaping. Peter unclenched his fists and laid his head against the cool wall of the room. 

He was at the compound. He was in the room Tony designed for him. He glanced at the Star Wars memorabilia around him, a small smile stretching across his face. For him.

“Mr.parker? You’re heart rate has increased considerably. Would you like me to contact Mr.Stark?” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s calm voice echoed through the quiet room. 

“Umm no Fri, I’m fine. Just a bad dream.”

“Ok Mr.Parker.”

Peter sighed and asked the time. 

“4:27”

Great. Another two hours of sleep. Peter moved towards his back pack and grabbed his suit. The hero changed quickly and jumped out his window. He began to swing from building to building, the panic from his dream slowly fading away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised angst and this chapter is like 90% fluff but I wanted to establish their father-son relationship (though it’s practically canon.) I know nothing about engineering so please don’t judge me. Also- I included the nano parts bit because I just really wanted to make myself sad and think about Tony wearing peters design in infinity war and endgame bc I have no heart. I may not post again til after Christmas just because it’s a busy time. Happy holidays!


	3. Not All Lies

The sun was beginning to rise as Peter sat on a building in the heart of queens. He listened to the city wake up, couples go in walks, and dogs bark in the community garden a couple blocks away. The building was high enough to see over most of the city. The lights weren’t as bright up here. He liked being up high, like he could almost touch the clouds. But it was dangerous. One slip and he would just-

“Incoming call from Tony Stark” Karen’s voice pierced his thoughts as Mr.Stark’s picture popped up on the HUD.

“Hey kid came to wake you up and you were gone with the window open. You know how much it costs to heat this tower? I don’t and it’s probably a bunch but I’m a billionaire so who’s cares. Anyways get back here for breakfast and we’ll talk about this. Friday end call.”

Peter groaned and sat up, dreading the upcoming conversation. Did Friday say anything about nightmares? 

The whole way back to the compound peter practiced his defense. It was just a bad dream.Some crazy witch came and took all his friends or something. That sounded like a believable dream, right?

Spider-Man swung through an open window and landed gracefully on his feet. He took his mask off and let his brown curls fall around his face. His eyes adjusted to the light and he began to make his way to the kitchen.

Peter entered the room and immediately tried to steer away from the subject eating on his mind,” Hey Mr.Stark! What’s for breakfast?”

Tony turned and looked over the teen. The bags under his eyes were too big for someone his age. His hair was a mess and his knee was bouncing. “Waffles. This morning Friday told me you had left around 4:30. Mind telling me why you woke up that early?”

Peter glanced around nervously and tried to remember his story,” Umm. Well on the weekends I um get up that early and... do yoga.” That last word came out as a question, seeing if the man would believe him.

He didn’t.

“Cut the crap kid. You told Friday you had a bad dream and you’re vitals reflected that. So imma ask again. Why were you up that early?”

Peter started to bite his lip but stopped. Mr.Stark didn’t need his problems. He could tell him right now. Maybe Mr.Stark could help? No. Peter was fine. He was Spider-Man, no dreams could risk that. “Ok yeah I just had a bad dream but it was nothing.”

“If it was nothing than why did you lie?”

“It’s just that only little kids get bad dreams and I’m not a little kid.”

“Kid you can’t help a bad dream. I get them, Rhodes gets them, and most of the time they’re stupid. Things that will never happen. Other times it’s- it’s just worse but thank god you don’t have to worry about that.” Tony ruffled Peter’s hair and continued,” anyways don’t do that again I’d actually rather you be doing yoga then swinging on two hours of sleep. I also have a surprise for you so eat up.”

Peter faked a smile. It’s wasn’t all a lie. But he had lied to Tony. The one guy who believed in him when no one else even could. He shoved down the waffles in front of him and washed his hands. 

“Ok what’s the surprise?” Peter asked, wondering if it has something to do with his new room.

“Chill a second homie” Tony glanced at Peter expecting a response but he was lost in his thoughts, “ jeez tough crowd.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing kid.”

Tony led them down a set of hallways until the pair reached a room Peter had never seen. Tony motioned for peter to open the door, a small smile trying to repressed on his face. 

Peter touched the cold handle and turned it slowly, unsure of what to expect. The door opened and Peter was greeted by a large lab, filled with half finished experiments and beakers.

“What is this?”

Tony’s smile faded for a second as he entered the lab. He hadn’t been in here for a long time. 

“Mr.stark?” 

Peters words snapped Tony out of his thoughts enough to answer, “This, underoos, is Bruce Banner’s personal lab.”

Peters eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open,” Bruce Banner? As in the scientist? The Hulk?”

Tony laughed to himself about the kids demeanor,” Yeah kid Mr. 7 phds himself.”

“What are we doing here?”

“Well since we aren’t really sure where Bruce is at the moment, I figured you could put it into some use. You do make your own silly string, right?”

“Yeah I do- I mean I make my web fluid. This is so cool Mr.Stark. I think I’m gonna cry.” Peter began to explore the lab, soaking in every detail, looking at the experiments, now covered in dust.

“Well the get down to it. I’ll be the responsible adult and supervise.” Tony sat in a nearby chair and observed his kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok well guess who lied? Me! I thought I wouldn’t have time to write and definitely not post but I guess having no social life really opens up time after you do all the Christmas duties. I plan these chapters in my head even when I’m not writing so that helps. Anyways, I love all of y’all and really appreciate the support and love I’ve been getting. This chapter has more angst because I’ve been toying with idea of how Tony felt after Bruce left. I’m really trying to stick to canon so Bruce would be gone, but if I decide to differ I’ll say in the notes. The first two chapter were already written when I posted the first one so that’s why the updates are so close together. Thank you again! Please comment and leave kudos if you like it!


	4. The Explosion

“Hey Mr.Stark! Could you grab a beaker for me? I would but I can’t really stop stirring this or it may explode.”

Tony stood up to grab the teen his supplies, “ I thought you were making web fluid. Didn’t you use to make that at school? Should you be making explosives at school?”

Peter cursed under his breath and began stirring quicker,” uh yeah this is just- oop. This is a new formula. It would be a backup for when I use taser webs because it allows energy to travel more efficiently but it isn’t as stretchy as my normal webs. Oh- oof. Thanks Mr.Stark!” Peter took the beaker Tony had acquired and acted fast, trying to contain the webs.

“You said this would explode. How big of an explosion are we talking about? Bye bye building, bye bye this room, or bye bye you?” Mr.Stark returned to his chair and started at the concoction.

“Oh um I don’t think anyone would die maybe just severe burns on my part but nothing bad.” Peter continued to move furiously around the lab.

“Uh uh kid. I’m not risking you getting severe burns. Put a fire blanket on it or something but you gotta stop.” Mr.Stark got up and walked towards the teen.

“No Mr.Stark! I’m almost done! I’ve been careful! I’ve never had an explosion in a lab,” Peter pleaded, not taking his eyes off of what he was doing.

“Umm no. I’m the adult here and I’m telling you to stop. Also I’m guessing the school doesn’t let you do experiments where you could be scared for life. Now how do we contain this when you step away.” Tony grabbed a fire blanket from the wall.

“No- please Tony! It’s fine,” Mr.Stark shot daggers with his eyes at peter.

“Ok kid I tried to be nice but Step. Away.” 

Peter kept stirring, trying avoid the man.

Tony’s eyes narrowed and he grabbed peters arm, pulling him away from the web fluid.

“ No! Hurry throw the blanket over it”

Mr.Stark turned and realized he had left the fire blanket on the other side of the table. He ran to grab it before- 

Boom

Tony turned to the explosion, his mind racing with fear. The stuff was all over Peter’s clothes. “Pete! Are you ok?” His voice pleaded for an answer.

Peter was shaking. He was back there. Under the building. On Coney Island. Alone. The burns searing his skin. He heard a voice through the static and screams.  Pete. Pete! I can’t reach you!  Peter stilled. Tony. Tony was there. Peter looked down at his clothes. The pain from the past slowing slipping away. He didn’t actually feel any burns. 

“Kid! Can you hear me?”

Peter looked up and nodded, “It’s only on my clothes but it’s seep- ow- it’s seeping through!”

A small amount of relief flooded Tony. His kid was fine. He was alive. The chemicals were only seeping- oh crap. “Underoos! Take off your lab coat! Or anything else with the chemical on it!”

Peter nodded. He threw off his white coat. Luckily it had caught most of the danger. He checked himself, looking for other spots. The front of his shirt was covered in it. Peter immediately began to take it off. The chemical stung and ate at his skin. The teen focused on breathing, not the pain. He had gotten the shirt off along with the rest of the chemical, when he looked up.

Tony’s eyes were wide, “Kid?” 

Peter’s brow was knitted with confusion before he realized. 

Oh. Oh no. 

The scars. His shirt had covered the scars. Now they were all on display. The torment, the torture, the raised lines in his wrists, all out in the open for Mr.Stark to see. 

Peters breaths quickened and he started to back away from his mentor. 

“Hey wait! Peter it’s ok. We can talk about this. Peter.” The mans eyes were scared. Peter had scared Tony Stark. He had worried him. God he was so selfish. He had pushed to finish the webs and now he’s in a demise of his own making. “shit shit shit shit.” Peters ran his hands through his hair, trying to think of what to do.

“Pete just come over here ok?” Tony spoke but Peter could only hear his own thoughts.

The hero’s eyes reached Tony’s and were filled with fear. What would Tony think now? Would he take the suit? Would he tell May? Peter searched the room for an escape. There. Peter took one last look at his idol and donned his webshooters. 

Peter mumbled a sorry and swung out an open window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this so short, I really just needed to move the plot forward. Hope you liked it!


	5. Thoughts

His mind raced, heart beat speeding with every thought.  _ What have I done. Mr.stark knows oh god he knows. What does he think. Oh god. _

Peter felt like fainting. He was on top of a skyscraper in New York, shirtless in the middle of winter. He didn’t care who saw his face. He didn’t care what people thought or if his burned skin stung against the cold. Who cared if another scar was etched to the tapestry of his skin. 

Peter ran this fingers through his hair, terrified on what could happen. Was Tony even coming? Would he try to find him? Or would he give up on him? Would his mentor only see the scars?

The questions plagued his mind, fuel to the screaming thoughts. Peter continued to pace on the roof, breathing in the cold air. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t go home, not if May knew. She could never know. It wasn’t the Spider-Man scars he was worried about, no she could get over that, but the straight lines on his wrist. So uniform, so fresh, they couldn’t blend in with the ugly, ragged, fading scars littering the rest of his body. May wouldn’t forgive herself. He had been steps away, but she had never noticed.

She had never seen through the poster smiles, hiding the broken little boy underneath who still couldn’t comprehend why everyone left. Why everyone he got close to either got hurt or died. The little boy pleading, crying out under a mountain of rubble. Closing his eyes, bracing for death on a crashing plane. The kid thrashing, water filling his lungs as he falls deeper in the lake, reliving each of these moments every night. She never saw it. No one did. 

No one noticed the long sleeves. The late nights. The bags under his eyes and the flinch when someone raised a hand. No one stopped Peter from getting where he was now, scared, cold, and alone atop Central Park Tower. 

The cold wind whipped around Peter, as he paced on the roof. He needed a way out. He knew he couldn’t stay here. Could he go to Ned? No, he would see the scars. Just that thought alone ruled out everyone. Anywhere familiar was dangerous. And he didn’t have hismask on . He couldn’t put the people he loved in danger.

Peter screamed out, and collapsed on the ground. His body shook, not just from the cold but from the tears streaming down his face. The young hero has doubled over despite the pain in his chest pleading for medical attention.   
  
He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t stand and face his problems anymore. He wanted to go home. To just be the nerdy kid next door. Peter didn’t want these scars. This weight on his shoulders to save the world because he couldn’t let anyone down. He wanted to curl up under a blanket and never leave.

But Peter couldn’t do that. He was Spider-Man. Super hero’s can’t rest. They have a responsibility to fight for the little guy. 

“But why me? Why do I have to do it?” Peter’s small voice pierced the silence around him. Peter needed to leave. He needed out. Away from all of this where he’ll never have to witness pain again.

Suddenly every thought came back to him. Every urge as he stood on top of a building, every purposeful delay as he fought crime, every cut. 

Peter didn’t want to be Spider-Man anymore, but he knew he couldn’t deal with the guilt of watching bad things happen. This was the only way out.

* * *

Tony was frantic.  _ What had happened? Who had done that to his kid? Who did he have to kill?  _ Every thought brought him closer to passing out. His mind raced, thinking of what to do. May. He should call the boys aunt. She may know what to do.

“Friday call May Parker.” Tony began to rush out of the lab, searching for his own.

“Sir, you don’t have Mrs.Parker’s number. Would you like me to search for it?”

“The hell? Why I don’t I have her number? Ok sure Friday just do it quickly.”

“Yes sir.”

Tony reached his lab and pulled up multiple screens. He set each to a different task. One to search security tapes to find Peter, the other to scan past feeds to see what did this to Peter.

Tony couldn’t remove the image from his head.Peter standing there, looking so scared. His usual doe eyes, wide and watering, searching the older man for a reaction. Then the scars. Huge scars stretched across Peter’s arms and back. The little scars on his wrist. The shaking of the boys hands as backed away. Tony had somehow scared Peter. Scared him enough to jump out a window without a shirt.

“I have found her number, would you like me to call it?” 

Tony shook away the memory and nodded. Soon the speakers played a ringing tone while he continued to look for Peter.

“Tony? What do you need is Peter okay?” The women’s voice sounded confused, worried over why the billion would be calling her.

Tony breathed in, mentally checking off “With May” on the list of possible locations.

“I don’t know May. There was an accident in the lab. Peter had to take off his shirt to avoid getting burned and, “ Tony took a deep breath before continuing,” and he had scars all over his body. I figured you may know about that? Anyways then the kid was terrified and just left. Swung out a window without a mask or a shirt. I don’t know where he could be but I’m trying to find him. Any ideas?”

There was silence one the line as May digested his words.

“ I didn’t know he had any scars.”

Tony stilled. Someone had to know. Peter wouldn’t have just, hid that. You can’t go through something with that outcome and be fine. Not alone at least. “What about friends? Could you call them? See if he’s there? Ask them?”

“Yeah,” there was silence as May seemed lost in her thoughts,” yeah I can call Ned and MJ. They may know where he is. Or about the,” she trailed off but Tony understood.

“Thanks May and I’m sorry. I should’ve noticed. I should’ve done something. I was the boys idol for gods sakes.” Tony hung up and held his head in his hands. He failed him. Peter had been struggling and Tony hadn’t noticed or made the kid feel safe enough to tell him. 

“Boss, Mr.Parker has been spotted on Central Park tower.” 

“Finally. Text May that I found him and I’m gonna go get him.” Tony called the suit and had it assemble around him, willing it to go faster. His kid needed him. Tony didn’t know why or how, but he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I’m not really satisfied with the Tony part of this chapter but I don’t think I’ll ever be. I really have no idea where I’m going but I’ll try. It hasn’t been a boppin day so it may be a while before I post again. Thanks for all the love and comments! I posted two other stories so go check them out if you feel like it!


	6. The Roof Top

Peter sat alone on the edge of a building, his mind willing him to fall. No, not fall. If Peter did this it wouldn’t be an accident. He would finally make a decision for himself. Finally make an important decision. Not have it made for him. He didn’t choose to move in with May and Ben, or be bitten by that awful spider. He didn’t choose to go to Germany. He didn’t just decide to get a goddamn building dropped on him. He didn’t choose for Mr.Stark to see the scars. But Peter could decide this. Peter could decide to jump. 

The power felt good in his mind. He had the power. He controlled his fate. This was his choice.

A sudden gush of wind brought Peter out of his thoughts. His shoulders deflated, knowing what had just arrived. He didn’t want to answer questions. Give explanations. He wanted to be dead.

“Kid?” Tony’s voice sounded worried, but gentle.

Peter didn’t turn. He didn’t move, his stare fixed on ground below him.

“Why are you up here Pete?” Tony looked around. It was cold and muggy. The clouds blocking the mid afternoon sun. It wasn’t exactly scenic.

Peter didn’t respond and continued to look down. Tears were pooling in his eyes and he couldn’t let them escape. Tony didn’t need to see him any weaker.

“Are you ok?” Tony didn’t know what specifically he was asking about. The burn? The scars? Whatever was going on in the kid’s head?

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“Really?” Tony tried to return to his usual banter, “ Cause people who are fine usually don’t swing out an open window without a shirt on.” Tony’s voice hitched in his throat as he got closer to Peter. He could see the scars clearer now. The ones on the majority of his body weren’t fresh. They had healed over but they weren’t gone. Some where huge, ripping across his back, while others were small but deep. Tony was almost scared to see the rest of them. How much pain had Peter been through?

“Despite what you think Mr.Stark, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” Peter hadn’t meant to sound so mean. He just couldn’t do this right now.

A flash of hurt showed on Tony’s face but it left as quickly as it came. He didn’t mean it. Peter was struggling. 

“Peter, I will stand here til I die if that’s how long I have to wait for you to tell me what’s going on or whatever’s wrong and don’t you dare try lying.” Tony took another step towards Peter but the teen saw it in the corner of his eye. Tony raised his hands in defense, trying to show he meant no harm, but Peter flinched. It was small, almost unnoticeable, but so were the scars and Tony would never let anything slip past him again.

“What’s wrong? You wanna know what’s wrong? All of a sudden after you see physical evidence of me hurting you care? Why didn’t you notice before that? Why didn’t anyone notice? What’s wrong is I’m 15. Fucking 15! And I’m expected to save the world? To be a hero? I’m a kid Mr.Stark. A kid doesn’t need a fucking building dropped on him.” Peter spat the words like venom but didn’t feel any remorse. Mr.Stark asked questions? Peter would give him whatever answers he wanted.

The older mans heart dropped in his chest. He knew he should’ve noticed. The guilt was still eating at him, taking every coherent thought and twisting it up. 

Peter stood, facing the man, while remaining on the ledge. Every ounce of the billionaires being wanted to yank peter away from the danger he seemed oblivious to. Or unafraid of.

Peter felt more bullets leave his brain and shoot out his mouth, “You know what makes it worse? You know the cherry on top? I can’t tell anyone. At least not be understood. It’s not like my friends have almost drowned in a parachute or been trapped under ten tons of concrete, metal piercing your skin as you try to scream, try to call for help but nobody comes. Can’t really bring up being on the outside of a crashing plane in a party game, can I? Or talk about how three of my five parental figures have died within ten years of each other! Both my parents are gone, I watched Ben die in front of me and who knows about May? I’ll probably get her killed eventually! And then you go around flying and shooting things every night which isn’t exactly comforting! Imagine all of that except it doesn’t happen just once. Every single moment happens again and again. I have relived seeing my friends almost die a hundred times Mr.Stark! Every time I close my eyes I see blood. It’s the only thing I see when I’m awake either so I guess nothings new!” Tears fell freely from Peters cheeks, not caring if Mr.Stark judged him. He had been holding this in for so long. There had been so many late nights, practicing this but never letting the words reach another humans ears. Until now. 

Tony was silent for a moment, observing the shaking teen in front of him. This kid was so young and so broken. And Tony had never seen it. “God Pete. I’m so sorry.”

Peter turned away and let out a small laugh, “ well sorry doesn’t change anything Mr.Stark. It doesn’t change that I was alone! I had to deal with this all in my head. I never told anyone. No one needed that burden. It was mine to carry and I knew I had to cope. Probably didn’t use the best methods but a razor was there more often than May, Ned, or even you!” Peter pointed a finger at Tony’s chest,” It was the only thing that made the thoughts stop. Gave me something to focus on until my mind stopped screaming. But now?” Peter looked down at the ground below him, thinking back to the beginning of his long tyrade, his voice getting soft and distant, as if he were the only one there,” I’m 15. And I have these amazing powers that I don’t deserve. Or want. I get it. It’s cool to be a superhero, but it sucks. The nightmares and broken bones suck. And I can’t just stop. Not when I can help people. I couldn’t live with myself if I let people die just because I want a couple more hours of sleep at night. And who know if that would even work? Maybe I’m stuck with these haunted memories forever. But I don’t want to live with that. I don’t wanna experience more pain as Spider-Man or guilt as Peter Parker. So I just thought-“ Peter didn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t have to. 

Tony knew. Some part of his mind had known since he arrived in the roof. He had just been too scared to admit it. He couldn’t think of his sweet kid thinking like that. But Peter did.

Before Tony knew what was happening, Peter had collapsed in his arms, sobbing. The former just combed his hand through his mentees curls and rocked him gently.

“I’m so sorry Tony. I didn’t- I just-. “ Peter broke down in more sobs, clinging to Tony as if the ground would collapse underneath him.

“Shh it’s ok now kid. I’ve got you and I won’t let you go,” Tony kissed the top of peters head, hand running through his hair,” But it’s getting cold out and I don’t want you to freeze. Let’s go home and get you a shirt. The temperature will continue to drop so maybe one with long sleeves.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s done! I sorta based Peters rant off the ones in my head. I always want to break down and tell someone but nobody needs all that. When you’re upset like that you’re all over the place, which is why Peter is bouncing around topics. Since I haven’t experienced the “after” I don’t feel comfortable writing it because I won’t do it justice. Hopefully this is a satisfactory ending. Thank all of you again for the love and comments. Leave more if you like! Bye!


End file.
